Forgiving yourself

We all make mistakes. No..Scratch that..We all get ourselves into situations that seemed like a good thing at the time we made the decision. We work off the information that we have at the time we make the decision. Once we realize what happened, we get down on ourselves. We get upset. We kick ourselves for being so stupid. We think about what would have happened if we had done things differently. We live in Regret. It eats at us until we just can't handle it anymore. Everyone deals with this differently. Most of us deal with it by being destructive to us and those around us...

This topic popped into my mind because I was thinking of the advice I received recently. I was on the bus talking with this gentleman in his 50s. He was telling me his life story. In the midst of the conversation, I said "I hope to have as much Wisdom as you do when I get to be your age". He responds with "The way you gain Wisdom is by learning how to forgive yourself". This may not seem like much, but it blew my mind. If you think about it, that is why most of us stay where we are. We don't ever stop and say " I messed up. I understand it comes with life and learning. I forgive myself for making that decision and I am moving on". It's simple to say, but complicated to do because once you forgive yourself, you have to stop living in that moment. You have to stop playing the tape in your mind over and over again. You have to stop being a victim. We need to treat it like we do with information we learn in School. You know what I mean. We learn it, study it to get a good grade on a test, but we forget it the minute we move on to the new topic. We need to study it to learn what we need to learn from the situation, but then move on.

We don't need to keep reminding ourselves of the unfortunate decision we made. We need to let it go and let God use it for good. Our unfortunate decision will become our testimony when we learn to forgive ourselves. Think about any one of the men and women of the bible. Every one of them made an unfortunate decision. From Abraham to Moses to David and onto Paul. But  God was able to take their unfortunate decisions and use them to not only make them better people, but to also give us some help on how to let go. Paul made the decision to persecute Christians. Paul is created with penning the majority of the New Testament. King David made the decision to have a man killed to take his wife. David is known to be a man after God's own heart. Moses killed a man, then had to go back to the scene of the crime in order to go get the Israelites. He led them out of slavery to the Promised Land. I believe that in the above situations, as well as others throughout the Bible, that if they hadn't forgiven themselves for their decisions, they wouldn't have been able to do what God destined them to do.

Are you keeping you from your destiny because you cannot forgive yourself for an unfortunate decision? Are you prolonging your pain and suffering because you can't forgive yourself? Are you replaying the tape in your mind over and over again? It was an unfortunate decision. Stop playing the tape and forgive yourself. You have too much to get done to keep dwelling on your unfortunate decision.

It needs to grow up!

I was thinking the other day of Joseph and his brothers.... Joseph we all know was destined for greatness and almost ruined it by not keeping his mouth closed, but that's a story for another day... What made me think about him was his brothers. There was a significant age gap between him and his older brothers. Joseph grew up being not only the youngest, but the favorite son. I can only imagine what they were thinking. To have been a fly on the wall the day they decided to sell him into slavery.... 

The reason why I was thinking about them was because of what happened later in the story when they had their encounter. His brothers did not know it was him. Many believe that it was because they thought he was dead. The revelation I received was that they never let him grow up. To them,except Benjamin, Joseph never stopped being the bratty little brother. He never stopped being the brother that said "I had a dream that there were 11 bushels of wheat in a circle bowing down to me."  They did not allow for him to grow up, to change.
I came to this revelation a few days ago because I was thinking that there were things in my life that grew up with me, but then there are other things that either didn't because they weren't supposed to or I didn't allow them to. I think that is a mistake many of us make. When we don't let things grow. We get caught and our ideas on something become stale.

But why is that? Do we sit down one day and just decide not to let things change?

Or is it just easier for things to stay how they are and where they are?
I found myself thinking this as I approached my 28th birthday.... I realized that there are a few things in my life that I either missed out on because I never let them grow up or that I got into because I was going on old information....

What about you? Are there things in your life you need to let grow up?

Trust

I found myself deep in thought the other day.. I was talking with a friend trying to decide what to do in a situation.. it occurred to me that both of us were afraid.. afraid to trust our instincts. It's funny how when you're a kid you have no problems following your heart, but as you get older it does become harder. Is it that we feel there is more to lose? What do we really have to lose though by not following our instincts?

This thought led me to the story of Paul (Saul). He wrote the majority of the books that have become the New Testament. How hard was it for him to follow his instincts? How hard was it for him to trust that he wasn't losing anything but gaining everything? I guess it was pretty hard. No one else that is in the bible was blinded by God. Some can argue that this was because he was persecuting God's people.. but I believe God had to get his attention. I believe that because Saul kept ignoring his instincts, that quiet voice, God had to appear in a grand way...

Have you ever noticed that in your life? Have you ever noticed when something is blaring and obvious?
Have you ever had a horse blinding moment?

Can we really know what anyone is going through?

I've always wondered about why we don't see more of Jesus's thoughts in the bible.. Especially when he is going through stuff.... Why is it that we never see what Jesus really thinks about certain situations. We do get a glimpse about how he feels the night before the crucifixion, but image living with that your entire life and not having anyone whom you could talk to about it....Imagine knowing that you are going to sacrifice your life for people who could care less and not having anyone you could talk with who would understand....

That might have been the hard part I think.. The not having anyone who could understand. Many people would eventually go through the agonizing pain that Jesus went through.. but did they really understand what he went through, or were they just using their experience to empathize with him...

Something to think about...

Life has been so busy as of late that this has been on my mind for weeks but I've never had the time to write it until now.

I've mentioned it before, but for those of you who don't know, King David is my favorite person in the Bible.

I just love his story. By far, in my opinion, he is the most human of the characters. There aren't many characters whom we meet when they are younger and then are allowed to follow their path to Biblical greatness. Most of the characters in the Bible we meet when they are adults and know nothing of their lives before their encounters with God.

David's story is one of the most commonly known stories of the Bible. He was a Shepard boy, was anointed king, killed Goliath, ran from Saul, was friends with Johnathan, became king, and had a Son - Solomon....

Now Solomon's mother was Bathsheba. Bathsheba was Uriah's wife. David had Uriah killed and then married Bathsheba....

I say this to introduce my thought....

Why did David have Uriah killed? Why did David feel the need to end a man's life to be able to take a woman for his wife?

It's been said that David let lust drive him to do these things... But I believe that is only part of it. I believe that at this point in his life  he wanted something that he had gotten himself - not because he was king, and not because he was a man after God's own heart but because he wanted it....

This brings up the question are we supposed to do any and everything to get what we want? Are we supposed to: Not be in a place where we're supposed to be at, watching something in which we're not supposed to be watching, and have someone killed in order to obtain what is our heart's desires.. Even if it is only for a moment? Are we?

I also wonder why Bathsheba? What was so "special" about her that he had to have her? What was it about her that he was willing to risk a lot to have her?

Maybe ultimately all it came down to was David made a choice. A choice at the time he felt was a good decision..... even if it was only for a moment....

Cloudy mind

The hardest thing for me as of late has been to sit down and write.

Its been that way because I have been going through a range of emotions. It's been rough and my mind has been cloudy...

I wonder how many things have I missed not being able to clear my head? I wonder how many signs I have missed not having a clear head?

It makes me think of what must have been going through Jesus' mind the week leading up to his crucifixion. If he wasn't going through it before, I know he had to have been going through it then... There is now record of what he was going through except for in the Garden. It is there where we find out that he is going through some crazy things. His thoughts can be found in Mark 14:35-37. He goes to God twice and says to him "Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt."

The thought of the Crucifixion had to be crushing his spirit because he prayed more than once for God to take the responsibility away from him....

I wonder how cloudy his mind was at that moment.. I wonder if God had been trying to tell him you don't have to go through with it, would he have been able to hear him?

This happens to us at times...we get so distracted by life that we can't hear God.. We get so caught up in our emotions and what we are going through that we lose focus on our mission and stop listening to God...

I challenge you to spend sometime in a quiet space, giving all your cares to God, and listening to what he has to say...

What are you going to do?

I found myself not being able to sleep. Many things are going through my mind.. It made me wonder why it is that the biggest challenges in life require the biggest amount of Faith. Why is it that when we are about to experience our greatest growth we have the most sleepless nights?

I've always wondered how Jesus did it. He walked the Earth with the idea in the back of his head that he was going to die. Yet he pressed forward. He pressed forward.. Maybe that is to be our inspiration.
Scratch that -> there's no maybe about it.. He is our example. He is to be our inspiration. He is to be our guide and our help.

I wonder why there is not more writings on Jesus' sleepless nights. Would it make him seem too human and not God-like if there was talk about his sleepless nights. If he is truly supposed to be our inspiration and example maybe there should be more talk on what made him like us.... How are we supposed to navigate this life...?

I guess there are other examples in the bible of humans and sleepless nights. I bet David went through many of them running from Saul. I bet Abraham went through many of them... I bet all of the people in the bible went through sleepless nights. The things that they all have in common is that while they had sleepless nights they had faith that everything would work out OK. While they had sleepless nights they still acted and carried out the directions that God gave them. They trusted in God and on his promises. Because they trusted him, they did epic things. David became king, Abraham became the father of many nations and there are many more stories of epic-ness in the bible that came about because of their Faith....

At the end of it all, it comes down to what are you going to do even with the sleep less nights... Are you going to act on the promises that God gave you or are you going to let the sleepless nights keep you from acting upon what has already been promised to you...

What is it worth?

I was helping a friend book a flight to go see his girlfriend. In the midst of this, he says "I want the best deal on the flight that I can get..." So we're looking around, searching hard for the best price, but everything was looking incredibly expensive. He was trying his hardest to get to see... I mean dude is so in love and all he wanted was to be with her...

The thought after we talked was What value is he placing on his relationship... What is it worth to him to go see her.

This made me think a bit farther. What is our relationship with God and others worth to us? Is it worth waking up at 5:30 a.m. to read your word, pray and just spend time with God knowing that you have to be at work and could have slept in.. Is it worth taking time away from everything to spend time in God's presence? Is it worth turning your phone off in Church and letting HIM be your focus? Is it worth getting involved in Ministry, without pay, and giving up that time for the advancement of God's kingdom?

I know some of you say that there isn't any time in the day to get everything done.... But let me present this to you, Jesus always had time to pray. Jesus always had time to spend time with the Father and those around him. Jesus always had time to show love... Yes, his disciples walked with him. They were with him all the time, however, did HE not stop when the woman with the blood issue touched him? He was in a crowd - full of people - and he stopped when she specifically touched him. Luke 8: 43-48. Keep in mind, Jesus was already on his way to heal a sick little girl when she stopped him... Yet he deemed it worth it, to stop, talk with the woman, and heal her before going onto the house. There are many other spots in the Bible where people were on their way to do something deemed important, yet they found it worth it to give up that time to help someone in need. They found it worth it to stop and show love...

Speaking of Love. Love is a powerful thing. It can make us do some crazy things. We place great value on doing things for the ones we love. While a parent might complain about having to drive their kids around for after-school activities, the parent finds that it is worth it to do this. This in fact goes for anyone. People make time for that which they place great value on without thought as to what they are sacrificing for it to happen. People make decisions everyday as to what somethings value is... I wonder at times, what if God ever did that to us? What if he ever said "Oh, you're worth spending $5 on and you're only worth $3..." We never have to worry about this when it comes to God. He loved all of us enough to say I will give you my only begotten son. John 3:16. Thank God that additionally he loved us enough to give us a book with instructions on how to not only love God, but to KNOW him in the Hebrew sense of the word.... Thank God that we never have to worry about HIM ever deciding we're not worth a $800 flight....

Getting back to my friend, he ultimately decided that spending time, and as much time as he could with his girlfriend was worth it enough to go ahead and book his flight instead of trying and waiting and hoping for the best deal.

Maybe, just like my friend had to, we need to stop and think, about what it is that we put value on. We have to reevaluate.... Is it worth it...

God's Love

There are times when you find yourself deep in thoughts about things...

I have found myself as of late thinking about God's love. He loves us so much that he gave his only begotten son to die for our sins. I know this concept at times can be hard to wrap your mind around. How can the all-loving God, sacrifice someone who has done nothing, for people who have done a lot and who keep doing things without any regard to how they hurt people.

I believe he did that to give us what the perfect example of love is.

In English we have one word for love - Love... Whereas in many other languages there is more than one way to describe love.. Greek has a few words for it but four come to mind: Agape, Eros, Philia, and Storge. Maybe this is why we cannot wrap our minds around it.... We use the word love for everything. There is no distinction between us loving our siblings, our dogs, and our cars. When using the same word for various types, it loses its meaning and its impact... Maybe this is also why we take love for granted...

God, in his infinite wisdom knew that there would be times when we would need to know and feel what love means. He knew that as the world went on, we would become desensitized to the use of the word.... He knew that when we said love, that there would be times when we meant it in an physical manner (eros), or that there would be times when we mean that I love you like a brother, that the love is out of a sense of loyalty because of our shared history and affiliations (philia).  He knew that we would go through life over using the word and that we would need an example of what it meant to love someone not expecting anything in return. He knew that we would need an example of what it meant to sacrifice for whom we love... This is Agape love. This is how we should love: Without expecting anything in return, without wondering if the person loves us. We should just love to love....

I believe that no matter how hard God tried, and still tries to tell us he loves us, he had to give an example of the depth of his love. He knew that we would not be able to wrap our minds around this concept so he gave us the example.....

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16.

Discipline

I got into a conversation with two Muslim Brothers over their faith...

In the midst of the conversation, they explained Islam - what they believe, why they believe it, and why they do what they do. The thing that blew my mind was that all over the world no matter what time it is, there is a Muslim praying....

Thinking back on the conversation, the men were disciplined. They had a solid foundation in their faith and could explain it.

It got me thinking - why aren't Christians as a whole more disciplined. What does that say about us? What does it say when our example is perfect beyond measure yet we don't have the same or more discipline than the people who follow the example of a man?

We don't pray most times until we are in trouble. When we aren't in trouble, we are praying for what we want as opposed to praying to spend time with God.. When was the last time you actually spent time with God? Human nature is to actively pursue that in which you are interested in, why don't we pursue God with that same fervor? Do we pursue God the way we pursue a lover? We are willing to sacrifice most anything for the one we love, yet we balk when God asks us to sacrifice for him?

At the end of the day, it all comes down to what are we willing to do for our faith. What are we willing to do to show others that our faith is the center of our lives..... Are we willing to be as Disciplined as our Muslim brothers and sisters?.... Are we willing to let God be the center of our lives and fall in love with him?

What are you willing to do to become more disciplined?

To Worship in Truth is to be Free....

A few weeks ago we talked about Worship and how it's hard for some to lose themselves in Worship. We talked about David being able to Worship so hard that he danced out of his clothes. When he was asked about it, he says that I praise him the way I do because of what he has done for me. (2 Samuel 6:20-21)

This begs the question, how do we get to a point where we can Worship as freely as David did.... David did it without consideration for who was around. To him it wasn't important what others thought when he was in Worship....

We get to this point by being Free. Worship in itself is a freedom. To be able to worship the way that David did we have to let go of everything. We have to let go of everything because we need to be able to Worship both in Spirit and in Truth. Jesus tells this to the woman at the well in John 4. Jesus talks about water being in a well on the inside of us, springing up into everlasting life. This is apart of us Worshiping in Spirit. When we do something in Spirit, that means that it is so entrenched in us that we do it subconsciously. We Worship without thinking about it, we just do it.

Worshiping in Spirit is only part of it though. The Jewish people, worshiped in Spirit. They worshiped because it was something they wanted to do but also had to do as apart of the Law. They did not Worship in truth. We see this as the conversation progresses between Jesus and the Woman. Jesus calls her out about her home life.He talks about her lack of a husband, even though the man she is with she calls him her husband. He lets her know that while she is keeping the traditions of the faith, she is not living in truth. Truth being that while she was following the tradition, she still had things going on in her life that did not allow her to be freely who she was supposed to be.

Many of us are like that. Many of us go to church where for a few hours, minutes even, we get our fix. We get enough to hold us over for a few days, but when it wears off we are still in bondage. We are still wrestling with something that leaves us in chains - but we refuse to admit it and correct it. Admitting it and correcting it is how we Worship in Truth. We cannot deny ourselves in Worship if we are tied down. That was the message Jesus was giving to the woman at the well. He says to her that one day people will worship in Spirit and in Truth. One day we will Worship in such a manner that we are free - both Spiritually and  Physically.

Why should we wait for that one day to come? Why should we wait to start Worshiping in Spirit as well as Truth? Why not loose the chains now and gain our freedom?

Do we place God in a box?

There have been many posts on changing our way of thinking. I know I seem to keep coming back to that topic in some shape form or fashion, but it is important as for what a man thinketh in his heart so is he
(Proverbs 23:7). The mind plays a very important part in our faith walk. It is the thing that essentially can make or break us. What proof do we have of this? Paul talked constantly about wanting to do what was right but having his flesh draw him in a different direction....  

Why do I bring up the mind again? Why was there a need to reiterate the importance of the mind?

I brought up the mind again because I came across this thought today as I have a few times before.... Do we not only put people in a box, but do we put God in a box?

If you are anything like I am, you have probably thought about someone at sometime.. "You've changed". Now the only way a person can "change" at least from our perspective is if we have made it up in our minds that, that is who the person is and who they will stay. But is that really the case or is it that we don't allow for people to change? Do we find ourselves placing people in a box, placing labels on people and not allowing them to be able to get out of the box or have those labels removed? If we do it with our fellow man, how much more likely do we do it with God? Do we limit what God can do because we have never been able to let go of the God we encountered when we were younger? Do we limit what God can do because we have seen him move one way and just expect for him to always move that way? Do we?

My challenge to you, for some it will truly be a challenge, is for you to pull off all labels and open all boxes. We have to start allowing for people to grow and evolve as we change/grow and evolve. The same goes with God. As we walk and get deeper in our faith, we have to give God room to be God. We have to give God the freedom in our lives to BE Alpha and Omega. We can no longer just say the words. We have to be open to allowing the Infinite Being to BE the Infinite Being. We have to open our minds. So will you join me this year in allowing God to be.... GOD?